Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
