Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
