Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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