you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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