all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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