Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
