Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
