Sry I called you an 8
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
