she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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