He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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