you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
