OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Randomize
