Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
