Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
