dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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