Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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