i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
