She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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