did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
