I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
