this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
