I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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