ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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