how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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