ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
