Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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