There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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