I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
