We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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