i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
