Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
