its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
