my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
