there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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