Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
