Midget sex pt 2 tonight
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
