Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
