I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
