So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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