Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
