yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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