I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
