God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
