I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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