It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
