it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
