It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
