My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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