Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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