I'm so fucking centered right now
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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