called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
