she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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