He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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