The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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